Tell me mirror mirror on the wall
  Who's the sickest Sex Pistol of them all?
  Is it Johnny Rotten?
  I don't know, I'd really like to ask him
  But he drives me up the wall.
  Now take old Sidney Viscious
  He's a clown
  He'd turn his mother in for less than half a crown.
  
  But I wish I had a union
  I wish I had a union
  
  Take my mate ol' Cookie
  He's off his head
  Just give him his daily reader and a pint of what you dread.
  Now here comes Stevie Jonesie
  He's a slag, he loves to get his knob sucked
  Wrapped in a Union Jack.
  
  But I wish I had a union
  I wish I had a union
  I wish I had a union
  I wish I had a union
  
  Never trust the hippy, they killed Bambie
  We gave a little filth and fury
  For all you mugs to see.
  There's nothing like the real thing
  So they say,
  Just like that creepy cockroach will never go away.
  
  But I wish I had a union
  I wish I had a union
  I wish I had a union
  I wish I had a union