The credits roll, the camera pans
  And in the mist our hero stands
  He starts to speak, then folds his hands in prayer
  An awkward pause, then what's my line?
  There's nothing left to say this time
  And what would you say to a bad guy who's not there?
  In terms of Roman numberals,
  He's IV league with Roman Polanski
  He'd win an Oscar every time if he was only given the chance
    He started on the Broadway stage
  A product of another age,
  An offer and a pilot drew him west
  The series bombed, commercials came
  And though nobody knew his name
  They all recognized the potential he possessed
  Deodorants and dental floss
  And how much does that new car cost
  His acting was methodical in You Don't Need A Medical
  He's branded like a racing car,
  He's like a movie star with movies
  The week of Independence Day,
  The casting agent called to say
  Your smile could save our movie and the world
    Buy buy buy buy
  Sell sell sell
  How well you learn
  To not discern
  Who's foe and who is friend
  We'll own them all in the end
    It goes like this, we have no choice; the minarets,
  The wailing voice
  And vaguely Celtic music fills the air
  We choose a foreigner to hate,
  The new Iraq gets more irate
  We really know nothing about them, and no one cares
  Aladdin and the forty thieves
  Enhanced by brand new special effects
  Saddam and his cow disease spiced up
  With some gratuitous sex
  A movie's made, a war is won
  A low-speed chase, a smoking gun
  Distracts us while the actor takes the stand
    Buy buy buy buy
  Sell sell sell
  How well you learn
  To not discern
  Who's foe and who is friend
  We'll own them all in the end